Its Me Against The Scanner

I'm sinking deeper and deeper into a spiral of depression all because of an evil inanimate object sent to earth by what I can only assume are dastardly extra-terrestrials trying to make my life miserable and prevent me from getting a job.

My Printer/Scanner All In One Contraption, AKA the very bane of my existence.

I'm now in a battle to the death with it. It refuses to work, and I refuse to rest until I have it under my full control.

Let's start at the beginning of this tale. I spent most of my weekend watching this on ABC Family:

And finishing these:

So I thought, today, I'd start tackling all the more adult tasks in my life.  Starting with the evil scanner. I spent an hour looking for the CD to install it, a search which involved me "organising" my documents. This is what ensued:

(The universe sent a marathon session of Keeping up with the Kardashians to my television to distract me from this task. Every second I watch it, my IQ sinks by a couple points- this was surely a ploy to reduce my capabilities in the face of my scanner.)

I found the CD, magically NOT hidden anywhere near my "documents" collection but on my bedside table in full-view. Point one to you, scanner, touche.

Then, the death struggle between us started. It taunted me with its little green flashing lights and its strange noises, which scared my cat into taking his afternoon nap in his carrier, next to his favourite stuffed animal. The scanner refused to do anything.  It's been about three hours that I've been struggling with this evil contraption, and we're at this point in our fight to the death:

And its making me feel like this:

I could give up on this and go to a Printing/Scanning store two blocks away. But it's too late now. I need to vanquish this scanner. It will perhaps take every ounce of energy and intelligence I have, but I will succeed. 

But first, this is very much needed: