Delusion Bread Pudding

I don't want to step into the TV-Criticism territory of my friend over at iamjudgmental.blogspot.com, but recently I've become fairly certain that Bravo is trying to ruin my life, self-esteem, and questionable "intellect."

For example, I was held hostage for a period of 12 hours by something called "Top Chef"- and it wasn't even the most recent season, it was season 3, which was a bajillion years ago. (They're now at Season 8, so my math is a little shaky, obviously)

Yes, I watched that show for the ENTIRE DAY and for some of the night. Was I proud of myself at the end? No. But Top Chef in such lethal quantities did impart me with a lingering affliction- it allowed me to believe that I can cook. This delusion is very dangerous. And it's all Season 3 and All Star contestant Tre's fault.

In Season 3, Apple Bread Pudding was the cause of his demise. Today, it will most likely be the cause of mine. During the "Restaurant Wars" episode, he was all "I can make bread pudding in my sleep," then, he failed. But then, hail the comeback gods! He completely redeemed himself in the All Stars season with this:

It's called Southwestern Bread Pudding. And it's apparently spicy and wonderful. It makes me want to siiiiiing this song:

So then, I decided to make my own Redemption Bread Pudding. With some old chocolate cake and loads of heavy cream. We'll see how it turns out, my cats seem very interested in it which could be a good sign or a very bad one.

I'm hoping this obsession will fizzle out, just like my Project Runway obsession- I know, it's now on Lifetime, but really it should still be on Bravo. (Heidi Klum's voice saying, "You are Out. Auf Wiedersehen," echoed in my head for weeks during that difficult time.)

These delusions don't just apply to Top Chef. Project Runway makes me believe I can sew together two pieces of cloth. The Rachel Zoe makes me believe I have some sanity and that I know the proper use of the word literally and the Real Housewives of BeverlyHillsAtlantaNewJerseyNewYork usually just makes me believe that I have a brain but should get martial-arts lessons to defend myself against potential hair-ripping attacks (that goes for Jersey Shore too).

And the best part? Most of the women/men/children/everyone else on these shows suffer from increidble self-aggrandizing delusions of their own. Kim Zolciak thinks she can sing- that's all I have to say. Time to eat my pudding of delusion.